Being The Eldest

I am the eldest in the family thus making my position full of responsibility, which is not a big deal because I know I am capable to handle them. Unless when it comes to feeling.

 
Being the eldest means that I have to comply with my mum’s need. It’s not that I don’t want to but sometime I have my own things to do and have planned my own events. More than often I find myself sacrificing my own amusement to make my mother happy. Yet when I could not she would go berserk, refusing to talk to me for days and sometimes weeks. I even ran away from home once because the thought of seeing her and be ignored was unbearable.

 
I know it is my duty to please her but I also know it is not mine alone. What about the rest of the other siblings who always get away from doing things be it for her or with her. Sometimes when I seek for their help, they would throw me hundreds of excuses and at the end I will always be the one to be blamed.

 
Because I did not pull the family together.

 
It is not my intention to neglect my mum but I would be more than glad if she could understand that I needed to be treated fairly. It is not always I fail to fulfill her orders so silent treatment and cold stares are definitely not appropriate. And I would appreciate if she could not use phrases like “When it comes to you, I gave my best” because no matter how I want to believe them, the past always haunts me.

 
It is not easy to forget that you had to struggle on your own when you are only fifteen, knowing that you have a mother. It is not easy to forget you could not defend yourself towards the accusation that had been thrown to you knowing that your mother, who was supposed to be the one who defended you decided to listen and to acknowledge another party rather than her own child.

 
Maybe you see me as an ungrateful daughter but believe me, I love my mother maybe even more than I love myself.

 
Just that sometimes I need to feel appreciated.

 

 

On Countering and Duplicating

Remember the sensational blog that I talked about in my previous post? Things are getting spicier than before.

There’s another blog created to counter that blog. Sadly, that blog is obviously not in the same league with the original one. The counter blog is simply created out of anger and stupidity. Why did I say stupidity? Because of the points written by the blogger does not hit any targets. It is like shooting with two eyes close.

On the second and third post the blogger tried harder but sincerely I think she should just stop and continue writing in her or his old blog. Why am I saying this? Because I think the blogger might be one of the victim or even those who were mildly mentioned in the original blog.

Okay. I am not supporting the original blog. Yes it is exciting to read the entries and the comments, but I think somehow this blog is getting too vindictive. Not the blogger but the readers and those who comments. I even find myself itching to type comments sometimes :P especially there was this one particular commenter that really irk me. The way he write his comments – note the “s”. Oh, he was one of the subjects too and I think he deserved it. Because of his stupidity thinking that what a smart person he is. Ok this is the evil part of me talking here.

Apart from that, another blog which resembles the original blog derived. Now, this really ticked me off. Not because I had enough of people bashing – well maybe this too but because I can’t tolerate duplication of idea and copycat. If you want to be known, to receive credits and to feel good about anything, get your own idea!

Example, I hate it when I buy something not locally and did an extensive research on that product – I usually do this, spent days and weeks sometimes, only to find a friend of mine bought the exact thing after knowing where I bought my things from. Later mildly asked whether or not it’s okay for her to do it. Of course it is not fucking okay, but she bought it already didn’t she? Or something similar in patterns, let’s say. It is frustrating, I don’t know why I am like this but this is just me. And I hate it when people duplicate my ideas for some paperwork or presentation. How do I know it’s a duplication of my work? Well usually I show them mine as an e.x.a.m.p.l.e when they are stuck with theirs. But this fucktards just simply copy the whole idea. With a little alteration here and there but the big picture is still there.


I don’t know what do the others think about it but this is my piece of opinion.

Xiaxue on Obama

One of my favourite blogger, Xiaxue got bashed because of her entry about Obama. Unlike the rest of the world she had a different opinion on Obama.

Well, truthfully I am pleased that Obama won because he might just be the right solution to the America economy crisis – that will be soon spread to Malaysia by March and April next year and he might just stop all the bombing to those poor vindicated citizen on Iraq. And all the wonderful things he wrote in his speech. A new breath of fresh air.

I always think Xiaxue’s writing is honest and blatant. Including the Obama entry although I might not agree with some of her points. The thing is, most of the readers who commented on that post expressed their angry as if Xiaxue had insulted their God! Come on, he is just a guy and it is tad early to guzzle all the words and letters in his speech. They might be virtuous but how veritable can they be? Only time will tell but we on the other side should not be too gullible. I am sure everybody who wants to run for President will have such awe aspiring speech. I am not saying that he’s mendacious or anything but the truth is yet to be proven, so do not hail him as if he is the God.

And it is her opinion anyway, although I must say she did it in an emotional and not so smart way. I always told myself and my colleagues; yes we can give comments, idea and differ to certain statement/facts but do it in an intelligent way. Do it when you can freeze your emotion. Because when you let your emotion blend with your, things will go nasty.

Still I think she deserves to have her own opinion.

"That" Blog

Have you heard about the latest hottest blog on the block? This particular blog criticises other blogs and made fun of them.

Brilliant cum wicked.

Goody. I totally dig hot gossips like this and to tell you the truth I enjoy reading her writings. Some of them deserved to be criticise because they are lacking of ethics and self respects. Or plainly because they think too highly of themselves.

I agreed on some points but I would like to highlight some opinion here. Some of the comments given are too emotional. In my humble opinion, yes we can comment but no need to use ruthless word like babi, fuck you and such to these people because you are just commenting when the blogger who wrote the article did not even use these words.

Secondly, if you want to bang that certain blogger, just bang the blogger but leave the family, spouse or event their pets alone. It is the blogger who needed to be scrubbed not the people who live around them.

Thirdly, I can see lots of people are so into this blog because this blog exist only for a week or two but he hits are more than 2K now! My point, if everybody starts bashing on every single aspect, where is the beauty of blogging? The truth, I love to read crappy blogs – but yet to leave any comments. These blogs are my source of entertainment and it is an awe to see how people can push themselves either to lie, to fantasize or even to become narcissist in blogs.

Now I bet everybody would be more careful when they write hence killing the fun.

Summit Open

Obama won! This show that America does not discriminate within skin colours anymore - which could be a good start. In my humble opinion, we should do the same. Stop discriminating within races and religions.

This is an except of a news that I read yesterday

Vatican City (AHN) - A three-day historic Catholic-Muslim summit will open Tuesday in Vatican City. To attend the talks are 48 religious leaders and scholars from the two faiths or 24 representatives each.

Leading the Catholic side is Cardinal Jean-Louis Tauran, while the Muslims will be headed by Mustafa Ceric, the Grand Mufti of Bosnia.

For more news, click here

This is a very good news for me. Being a Muslim, I feel dejected seeing another Muslim mocked other people religion and claimed suicide bombing and terrorising publics are one way to attain peace.

To me, not a single religion in the world (leave alone cults) teaches its follower to become corrupted, just follow the basic guideline and we will achieve peace. And respect is very important, it is okay if you don’t believe on what other religions says but at least show some respects to them.

Ok shit. I have to go. Meeting in 5 minutes.

Esteem Issues

Self esteem is one of my supreme issues although I am very good at camouflaging it. I don’t think no one can see through the stilettos and the shiny belt that I am having low self esteem.

Covering is good and it’s an essential especially when you have to face faces that would be more than happy to bring you down. Honestly I think everybody is dealing with the same problem, the differences lies on how you deal with it.

For me, I don’t have any defense mechanism. What I usually do when I feel insecure of lacking of self esteem is, I will run to the toilet. Either cry or smoke.

Now that you know, please don’t tell anyone that I bawled before meeting big shots for urgent meetings ok?

But what I don’t get is when some people overly use self defense mechanism. Let me give you an insight of what I am trying to say.

One of my colleagues can be categorized as a big size lady, not that we mind at all. We don’t and the truth is, it is not even a problem. But I guess, to her it is.

She started making uncomfortable remark about herself, saying things like despite her big size, she can really get any Caucasian any time or making statement like “ there’s no purpose of being skinny when you don’t know how to be good in bed”

What the mutherfucker statement is that?

I do know how she feels, I do know the feeling of not being attractive but being unattractive and trying too hard at the same is pathetic. Not to mention to be nasty like that.

Why can’t we just accept our flaws? Accept that we are not good enough and instead of denying, try to improve it.

One thing that I learn, it is painful to hear other people laugh at your flaws but it will be less painful if you join the laughter.

Stop and go

I am splitting into 4 this very moment. Everyone is calling my name asking for this and that. We are launching a new product tomorrow.

Promise I will be back soon.

In the mean time, why don't you ponder about the freed of Razak Baginda and the Najib success in becoming the new UMNO President?


Despite my short moment, I smell disaster. Otak Belacan, can I move to Singapore with you?

Getting A Brain Damaged

Today was kind of hectic but that would not stop me from jotting my thought that has been bothering me for quite sometimes actually.

I don’t understand how crappy blogs could develop so many readers. Crappy in this terms connotes they wrote shits in their blog, things that does not benefits anyone, not even themselves.

Let me enlighten you with few examples:

1. They keep updating every 1 fucking hour of their current state when there is nothing to say, really. Examples, they updates about their fetish of taking pictures of their feet and compared whose slippers is the best. Just that in one single entry or just to pretend sleep in front of their pc to show how “sluggish” they are at work when they were the one who took the picture.



2. Just post tonned of their own pictures on the entry, with an ending asking “Kiut tak aku hari ni?”
   
   What the mutherfucker?



3. Simply copy paste articles on the internet without addressing what they are or engage it into an interesting discussing and worst, take credit for it.



4. Can I just say their entry are just rubbish?

I know blogging is about letting free of your personal insight but what I don’t get is that, why good blogs with intense discussion and well written are not given such appreciation. The people who commented are lesser compared to the trashy blog – hey, I am not talking about this blog; this blog is way below novice.

Are blog readers are not so capable in engaging themselves to think and give superior opinions? Or perhaps they feel it is safer to participate in trashy discussion by just saying comments like

“Yes, you memang hot”

Or

“I love your new handbag. It’s fab!”

And later receives tones of brownie points, or if they are really lucky, they will also given a chance to be pictured in those blogs. You know, bloggers and blog readers bonding.

Maybe they are not confident in expressing their though, to have to write something serious needs lots of sharp thinking and they will always another person with a sharper thinking going to refute your opinion. Yes, maybe they are scared of that.

A friend of mine happened to meet up with a very famous blogger who is residing in West Malaysia. She had high expectation before meeting him because in her aopinion, his blog is a bomb! But you know what, boy..she was so frustrated only to find out the blogger is nothing like his blog. Far from witty, far from entertaining, simply boring. Till the extent she thought he must had hired someone else to write the blog for him but I told her, maybe it was just because the blogger just faking it. I read his blog too but his writing does not seem too appealing to me. I could track few fake and hypocrisy here and there. I prefer to read carefree writing and honest wittiness apart from blogs that really make differences to this world.

Bu that’s another story.

My point is how come people just love to read pieces of trash and let their mind be ruined by it?

Be Something Different!

Two of my exes claimed that they ex girlfriend were doctors and I could see how pompous they are when they talked about those girls. I did not abhor the exes but I detest men who jumped into a new relationship without letting go of their past. But as much as I hate that, I hate the community stigma that saying jobs like doctors, lawyers and engineers are the only one that matters even more.

What about jobs like garbage collecting, postman, meter readers? Aren’t these people important too? Can you survive without them or can you even manage to do their job? I was so shocked to learn that an acquaintance of mine, a senior reporter who had worked for almost 15 years in a well-known newspaper agency is only earning RM2, 500 per month. That amount for 15 years of working! And mind you her English was top notch. Are we saying that reporters jobs are not challenging enough? That proper grammar an immaculate vocabulary is something not important? Do they know that in order to be a doctor, all you have to do is memorise?

When I was in school, I wanted to take art stream because I knew my soul does not fit with science stream but the community stigma stopped me. I still can remember my mum saying what a waste for someone like me to take up art stream when I can shine in science stream. I know she is my mum but what kind of crap is that? Since when art stream become the second class citizen?

Like I told you in the earlier post, I use to date someone in the medical field. He was intelligent yes but when it comes to handling matters that are not stated in the book, he lost his way. You can talk to him about diseases, about politics but when real tragedy stroke he didn’t know what to do. I was the one who had to get on my feet.

Besides him, I went out with other guys with their name writing in magazines and journals. Sad to say, most of them are far from interesting and worst, they are really into themselves as if the others were less important. One of them used to tell me this, when he failed to make me go out with him

“Look at the old archives of Bloomberg, you will see my name there, in case you are in need of security”

I don’t need a security, I need someone interesting and humble to date. You are right, I did tell him that and he promise to be one. He tried but still missing the humble part.

My point is, I am tired of people saying “Look at her, she’s a doctor, he’s a lawyer, you should be like them when you grow up”

What’s wrong with wanting to be a band singer, a performer, a dancer, a freelance writer or even bellboy when you know deep down inside you are happy.

Education is important yes but what is the point getting a high education, when you have no life, no respect for the others and you are not happy?

Maybe I sounded as if I am encouraging people to be dropped out, no. It is good to have a good education but then that does not means your choices of jobs should be restricted to certain areas.

What I really want to say is,

Come one, get out from the norm. Be something different!