He- Who I loathe

Of all the mistakes that I’ve made, there was one particular mistake that I really wish to perish because every time I think about it, I cringe. And my blood will rush to my face

He was that mistake.

I do not wish to divulge what he did but he had made me look like a total fool in front of everyone. Because of him, I accused, I blamed and I let the ugly side of me ran wild to those who were innocent just to get my point across.

Yes, I did it because of him, but not because I felt he needed to be protected but I did it because he made me do it. He manipulated me and played with my mind until my sanity got thinner. I think, it would only be fair if I share some of the responsibility. As a person, no matter how hard the pressure was, I should remain compose.

But I did not.

He was an ancient chapter in my life but somehow he still haunts me everyday and I am still trapped in my guilt for what I did to the others. Although I was told that I was forgiven, somehow it is inadequate. Sorry and regrets could never mend torn and broken hearts. Sorry and regrets could never undo things.

I hate him. Very much, with every vein I have in my body. For not only he had ripped me apart but for the humiliation and discomfort that I have to bear till this very day. It is not common for me to wish bad things and doomsday to people but to him I do.

I believe He is listening, He is looking and I believe, despite what he said, despite what he claimed, I am vindicated.

I am.

On Countering and Duplicating

Remember the sensational blog that I talked about in my previous post? Things are getting spicier than before.

There’s another blog created to counter that blog. Sadly, that blog is obviously not in the same league with the original one. The counter blog is simply created out of anger and stupidity. Why did I say stupidity? Because of the points written by the blogger does not hit any targets. It is like shooting with two eyes close.

On the second and third post the blogger tried harder but sincerely I think she should just stop and continue writing in her or his old blog. Why am I saying this? Because I think the blogger might be one of the victim or even those who were mildly mentioned in the original blog.

Okay. I am not supporting the original blog. Yes it is exciting to read the entries and the comments, but I think somehow this blog is getting too vindictive. Not the blogger but the readers and those who comments. I even find myself itching to type comments sometimes :P especially there was this one particular commenter that really irk me. The way he write his comments – note the “s”. Oh, he was one of the subjects too and I think he deserved it. Because of his stupidity thinking that what a smart person he is. Ok this is the evil part of me talking here.

Apart from that, another blog which resembles the original blog derived. Now, this really ticked me off. Not because I had enough of people bashing – well maybe this too but because I can’t tolerate duplication of idea and copycat. If you want to be known, to receive credits and to feel good about anything, get your own idea!

Example, I hate it when I buy something not locally and did an extensive research on that product – I usually do this, spent days and weeks sometimes, only to find a friend of mine bought the exact thing after knowing where I bought my things from. Later mildly asked whether or not it’s okay for her to do it. Of course it is not fucking okay, but she bought it already didn’t she? Or something similar in patterns, let’s say. It is frustrating, I don’t know why I am like this but this is just me. And I hate it when people duplicate my ideas for some paperwork or presentation. How do I know it’s a duplication of my work? Well usually I show them mine as an e.x.a.m.p.l.e when they are stuck with theirs. But this fucktards just simply copy the whole idea. With a little alteration here and there but the big picture is still there.


I don’t know what do the others think about it but this is my piece of opinion.

"That" Blog

Have you heard about the latest hottest blog on the block? This particular blog criticises other blogs and made fun of them.

Brilliant cum wicked.

Goody. I totally dig hot gossips like this and to tell you the truth I enjoy reading her writings. Some of them deserved to be criticise because they are lacking of ethics and self respects. Or plainly because they think too highly of themselves.

I agreed on some points but I would like to highlight some opinion here. Some of the comments given are too emotional. In my humble opinion, yes we can comment but no need to use ruthless word like babi, fuck you and such to these people because you are just commenting when the blogger who wrote the article did not even use these words.

Secondly, if you want to bang that certain blogger, just bang the blogger but leave the family, spouse or event their pets alone. It is the blogger who needed to be scrubbed not the people who live around them.

Thirdly, I can see lots of people are so into this blog because this blog exist only for a week or two but he hits are more than 2K now! My point, if everybody starts bashing on every single aspect, where is the beauty of blogging? The truth, I love to read crappy blogs – but yet to leave any comments. These blogs are my source of entertainment and it is an awe to see how people can push themselves either to lie, to fantasize or even to become narcissist in blogs.

Now I bet everybody would be more careful when they write hence killing the fun.

Getting A Brain Damaged

Today was kind of hectic but that would not stop me from jotting my thought that has been bothering me for quite sometimes actually.

I don’t understand how crappy blogs could develop so many readers. Crappy in this terms connotes they wrote shits in their blog, things that does not benefits anyone, not even themselves.

Let me enlighten you with few examples:

1. They keep updating every 1 fucking hour of their current state when there is nothing to say, really. Examples, they updates about their fetish of taking pictures of their feet and compared whose slippers is the best. Just that in one single entry or just to pretend sleep in front of their pc to show how “sluggish” they are at work when they were the one who took the picture.



2. Just post tonned of their own pictures on the entry, with an ending asking “Kiut tak aku hari ni?”
   
   What the mutherfucker?



3. Simply copy paste articles on the internet without addressing what they are or engage it into an interesting discussing and worst, take credit for it.



4. Can I just say their entry are just rubbish?

I know blogging is about letting free of your personal insight but what I don’t get is that, why good blogs with intense discussion and well written are not given such appreciation. The people who commented are lesser compared to the trashy blog – hey, I am not talking about this blog; this blog is way below novice.

Are blog readers are not so capable in engaging themselves to think and give superior opinions? Or perhaps they feel it is safer to participate in trashy discussion by just saying comments like

“Yes, you memang hot”

Or

“I love your new handbag. It’s fab!”

And later receives tones of brownie points, or if they are really lucky, they will also given a chance to be pictured in those blogs. You know, bloggers and blog readers bonding.

Maybe they are not confident in expressing their though, to have to write something serious needs lots of sharp thinking and they will always another person with a sharper thinking going to refute your opinion. Yes, maybe they are scared of that.

A friend of mine happened to meet up with a very famous blogger who is residing in West Malaysia. She had high expectation before meeting him because in her aopinion, his blog is a bomb! But you know what, boy..she was so frustrated only to find out the blogger is nothing like his blog. Far from witty, far from entertaining, simply boring. Till the extent she thought he must had hired someone else to write the blog for him but I told her, maybe it was just because the blogger just faking it. I read his blog too but his writing does not seem too appealing to me. I could track few fake and hypocrisy here and there. I prefer to read carefree writing and honest wittiness apart from blogs that really make differences to this world.

Bu that’s another story.

My point is how come people just love to read pieces of trash and let their mind be ruined by it?

Just Because I Am Not Old Enough

My parents never educate me to be disrespectful especially to the elderly but at times I can’t help being boorish to them. If I could, I would really want to give them a piece of my mind followed by series of backhands. Not because it’s in my genetics to beat old people but because some elderly people seems to think that they are always right. All the time and you, younger people, know nothing therefore you have to kiss my ass . I personally think everybody should be treated evenly and everybody should be given and earn respect equally despite age or gender.

The story that I am about to tell you will comprise my best friend, Ah Kong and his daddy. Ah Kong family is staying outside KL but they always come to KL to visit. Every time when they touch down, Ah Kong will always asks me to accompany him although he knows his sister who is also working here can drive his parents around. Despite being a guy, Ah Kong is a moron when it comes to finding routes in KL, thus I became his walking GPS or should I say talking map. Occasionally Ah Kong ticks me off, I lost track of how many times I taught him the routes in KL but my attempt always meet failure.

Last month, Ah Kong parents came down again and they checked in at the Le Meridian. It was Friday and we were at Jalan Ampang, settling some stuff when Ah Kong father called saying he wanted to meet him at KLCC although the initial plan was to let Ah Kong meet them at the hotel. That was Ah Kong idea since he didn’t want to drive and we didn’t drive to Jalan Ampang, we took the public transport even the fact that their service sucks. On Friday, the jam in KL is atrocious, that’s why.

Ah Kong tried to forbid his father from driving (the father was using the sister’s car) to KLCC but being a stubborn old man, he insisted saying, he needed to eat at Little Penang, which according to my opinion, didn’t make sense at all since Little Penang is also located at Midvalley, about 10 minutes from Meridian or one stop away from the commuter. Even then, the father can always take LRT but no, he wanted to drive.

To make things worst, it was raining when we met them at KLCC ( I had to tag along because Ah Kong is a moron on the road remember?). The thing is, the father wanted to be the navigator while Ah Kong drove and totally shun me as if I am from New Zealand who doesn’t know anything about KL routes. I didn’t initially mind it at all, just that he didn’t bloody know the mutherfucking way and I do. Okay, he used to study in Universiti Malaya therefore he claimed that he know all the road in KL but hello uncle, that was like fucking 30 years ago and if case you didn’t notice, there are loads of skyscraping building in KL now that not only make an outsider like you get puzzled but also blinding a cosmopolitanites like me.

He keep changing his mind by saying “left,, no no.go right..no noo take the other way” and he forced his poor son to speed up, worst, the thing that I hated the most, instructed the son not to give ways to toher drivers by saying “This is KL, you cannot be so nice and slow!”

No wonder lots of people are behaving like monkey on the road!

Oh yes, we got lost, got stuck in the horrendous Friday traffic and not to mention the heavy rain. And he kept saying

“I didn’t know that the jam is going to be this bad”

Can I stick the gear into your ass uncle? Did your son not told you not to drive here in KL when it goddammit Friday?

Why was I mad you asked? Because I had some other things to settle and I really wanted to pee, so bad. In case you are wondering I did not say anything at all. So did his mother who sat next to me.

Alas, we reached Meridian after few hours stuck in the jam and by that time, the uncle turn around to look at me and ask” Did we get lost? No right?” with a smug in his face.

Oh. My. Goat.

Can you guess my feeling at that moment? I bet you can.

I really, really wanted to say “Hell yeah, almost” but instead I said no, just for Ah Kong sake. After all, he’s my best friend and I will have to respect his daddy for that matter.

That is just another story that I have from many. The thing is, why..why can’t we get respect that we deserve just because we are not old enough?

Umbrage

I have this friend that I always envy. Her mix parental made her looks outstanding and even teachers paid extra attention to her, which to me was not fair at all. Teachers should not be biased to the students.

I was there with everyone else and I was as bright as her, if she hogs the first place I would hog the second and if I won the first place, she would get to be the second best. Yet, she will always be the apple of the eye. Of course you get the brownie point, I am covetous. In my opinion, I deserve the same treatment and attention that she got because I worked as hard as she did and I escalated as far as she did. The only two things that I didn’t have were I was not pretty and my parents were not rich people.

Lots of people say that well-off people are rarely congenial and I beg to differ. Her father is pleasant and it is he father who brought wealth in the family but not her mother. Her mother hated my guts, she even wanted to slap me wants because I told my friends I didn’t like her. Okay, I don’t exactly remember what I said but it was something about her being a snob. Which is true. She was!

She told people I shopped at some stupid next door shop and she mocked my enthusiasm for doing so. My parents were not rich back then; of course a shopping trip once in a while would excite me even it was only at some local hypermarket. And there was this particular chapter that still glued in my mind. Oh yes, I remember it vividly. She was away for the whole one month because her whole family went skiing in Switzerland or somewhere (can’t remember exactly where) and when the time she got back, we had to sit for our final. She persuaded me that I should let her copy my answer because it was not her fault that she had to go for the mutherfucking skiing vacation. She made me feel so culpable for being a bad friend that I finally gave in. I aced the test so did she but she came second but when I was sick with chicken pox, she would not return my favour and worst, I found my best friend not talking to me after that.

What the mutherfucker?

Did she not deserve the snob title? Oh, you tell me!

Hmmm. I should just bury the hatchet but how could I when again she made me feel so isolated for not inviting me to her wedding when everybody was invited. I feel like I have rotten pussy that was filled with puss at that moment.

There is no use holding grudges, I know. But I will make sure this will not happen again, not to me or to my descendants. Things are getting better on my side, we were no longer seen as poor but that does not mean that we should forget where we came from. I will never ever give any special treatment to my future kids and not even a single minute make them feel that they are more special and superior than others. I will not let them treat the others like I have been treated.

Everybody should be treated the same, regardless who you are. Everybody deserves every single piece of cake.

Am I still mad at her? To be honest, a little bit but not as much as before. You want to know why?

Because, the formerly brainy, beauty queen is now fat.

Forgive me God, but please let me feel good about myself for few moments.