Esteem Issues

Self esteem is one of my supreme issues although I am very good at camouflaging it. I don’t think no one can see through the stilettos and the shiny belt that I am having low self esteem.

Covering is good and it’s an essential especially when you have to face faces that would be more than happy to bring you down. Honestly I think everybody is dealing with the same problem, the differences lies on how you deal with it.

For me, I don’t have any defense mechanism. What I usually do when I feel insecure of lacking of self esteem is, I will run to the toilet. Either cry or smoke.

Now that you know, please don’t tell anyone that I bawled before meeting big shots for urgent meetings ok?

But what I don’t get is when some people overly use self defense mechanism. Let me give you an insight of what I am trying to say.

One of my colleagues can be categorized as a big size lady, not that we mind at all. We don’t and the truth is, it is not even a problem. But I guess, to her it is.

She started making uncomfortable remark about herself, saying things like despite her big size, she can really get any Caucasian any time or making statement like “ there’s no purpose of being skinny when you don’t know how to be good in bed”

What the mutherfucker statement is that?

I do know how she feels, I do know the feeling of not being attractive but being unattractive and trying too hard at the same is pathetic. Not to mention to be nasty like that.

Why can’t we just accept our flaws? Accept that we are not good enough and instead of denying, try to improve it.

One thing that I learn, it is painful to hear other people laugh at your flaws but it will be less painful if you join the laughter.