Suzie is saying..

It is normal.

2009-03-06T13:53:00.002+08:00

It's been a while. I know.

All this time I have been running on my toes chasing deadlines and such but now I sense that I will have ample time, to leisure hence blog.

How do you feel when your boss asked you to redo your wok?

Honestly I feel... dejected. I know I should not be feeling that way but my perfectionist side just couldn't help it. Perhaps I was yearning for credits, much to my ashame.

I took some moment in the toilet to think. It is normal to be told to repair your work! It is only normal isn't it?

Somebody should start telling me stop being paranoid and not to take it personally.

It's only a job. And when it comes to job, what matter the most is the company. Not me.

Hope is still in the air

2009-01-15T17:41:00.001+08:00

I used to think that I will never find true love. Yes, I met throngs of men, some were attractive some were not nevertheless I always give them the chance they deserve.

Out of many relationships I had, there was this particular guy who really broke my heart. Initially I was the one who wanted to break his heart knowing that I am not more than just a roller coaster ride for him. He did not see me for the person I want him to see.

I should have known form the moment he asked what sex position do I like the most. He even asked me to send him a naked picture of me. Before you gasp, let me tell you. I did not. I am not stupid.

Despite all that I was so blind by .. I don’t really know. It could be his persona and his aura because I wouldn’t that he’s that good looking (still the most good looking amongst my exes) but there’s something about him that made girls turned their head to look at him twice.

So when the relationship ended, I was crushed, crestfallen. I told him I wanted to leave since I didn’t see any future in the relationship. Perhaps I should be more blatant; perhaps I should just say “Marry me”.

He let me go like a snap and never even call me anymore.

Foolishly I thought he was irreplaceable.

I went through a very hard time, especially not too long after that I found out that he reconciled with his ex who is a fucking surgeon. How am I able to compete?

Well that was me then. Neurotic and pathetic.

The reason why I am writing this piece of crap is simply because I want to say that, I am glad he did what he did and I am glad I did what I did.

If not for that experience, that pang of bitterness I would never find the guy I am dating today.

He was nothing like the guy who broke my heart.

Not good looking, not even a bit.
Not popular.
Not a head turner.
No special aura.

But one thing for sure.

He made my heart feel the warmth again.

2009

2009-01-02T13:42:00.001+08:00

It has been months and I am not counting. Apologise is on my side, I have loads of agenda to face and settle.

Within few unconscious blinks, 2008 is over and 2009 is here. Did you managed to complete your 2008 resolution? Well, neither do I although I did manage to gain something else.

2008 is the year I totally neglect my self. I skipped all my beauty regime, neglect my body, eat whatever I want and did not hear what my heart says. To tell you the truth, the result was quite bad. I am now left with bloated, acne, dehydrated face. Have even no heart to start describing about my tresses and my body.

So my 2009 resolution would be

No meat, no rice. More vege and fruits

Not skipping any beauty regime

8 glasses of water per day

And the most dreaded..excercise!

I may sounded a little different in this post. Seldom I unleashed the vain part of me but when you wake up and saw how revolting your face look like and how people glued on your bulging tummy instead of the usual glued-at-your-boobs, you know it’s that time to do something.

Maybe I left a tiny detail here. My tummy is at the same par as my boobs.

Need any more valid reason?

Last for today. Happy New Year.

He- Who I loathe

2008-12-03T20:31:00.003+08:00

Of all the mistakes that I’ve made, there was one particular mistake that I really wish to perish because every time I think about it, I cringe. And my blood will rush to my face

He was that mistake.

I do not wish to divulge what he did but he had made me look like a total fool in front of everyone. Because of him, I accused, I blamed and I let the ugly side of me ran wild to those who were innocent just to get my point across.

Yes, I did it because of him, but not because I felt he needed to be protected but I did it because he made me do it. He manipulated me and played with my mind until my sanity got thinner. I think, it would only be fair if I share some of the responsibility. As a person, no matter how hard the pressure was, I should remain compose.

But I did not.

He was an ancient chapter in my life but somehow he still haunts me everyday and I am still trapped in my guilt for what I did to the others. Although I was told that I was forgiven, somehow it is inadequate. Sorry and regrets could never mend torn and broken hearts. Sorry and regrets could never undo things.

I hate him. Very much, with every vein I have in my body. For not only he had ripped me apart but for the humiliation and discomfort that I have to bear till this very day. It is not common for me to wish bad things and doomsday to people but to him I do.

I believe He is listening, He is looking and I believe, despite what he said, despite what he claimed, I am vindicated.

I am.

Being The Eldest

2008-11-25T16:37:00.001+08:00

I am the eldest in the family thus making my position full of responsibility, which is not a big deal because I know I am capable to handle them. Unless when it comes to feeling.

Being the eldest means that I have to comply with my mum’s need. It’s not that I don’t want to but sometime I have my own things to do and have planned my own events. More than often I find myself sacrificing my own amusement to make my mother happy. Yet when I could not she would go berserk, refusing to talk to me for days and sometimes weeks. I even ran away from home once because the thought of seeing her and be ignored was unbearable.

I know it is my duty to please her but I also know it is not mine alone. What about the rest of the other siblings who always get away from doing things be it for her or with her. Sometimes when I seek for their help, they would throw me hundreds of excuses and at the end I will always be the one to be blamed.

Because I did not pull the family together.

It is not my intention to neglect my mum but I would be more than glad if she could understand that I needed to be treated fairly. It is not always I fail to fulfill her orders so silent treatment and cold stares are definitely not appropriate. And I would appreciate if she could not use phrases like “When it comes to you, I gave my best” because no matter how I want to believe them, the past always haunts me.

It is not easy to forget that you had to struggle on your own when you are only fifteen, knowing that you have a mother. It is not easy to forget you could not defend yourself towards the accusation that had been thrown to you knowing that your mother, who was supposed to be the one who defended you decided to listen and to acknowledge another party rather than her own child.

Maybe you see me as an ungrateful daughter but believe me, I love my mother maybe even more than I love myself.

Just that sometimes I need to feel appreciated.

On Countering and Duplicating

2008-11-19T21:56:00.000+08:00

Remember the sensational blog that I talked about in my previous post? Things are getting spicier than before.

There’s another blog created to counter that blog. Sadly, that blog is obviously not in the same league with the original one. The counter blog is simply created out of anger and stupidity. Why did I say stupidity? Because of the points written by the blogger does not hit any targets. It is like shooting with two eyes close.

On the second and third post the blogger tried harder but sincerely I think she should just stop and continue writing in her or his old blog. Why am I saying this? Because I think the blogger might be one of the victim or even those who were mildly mentioned in the original blog.

Okay. I am not supporting the original blog. Yes it is exciting to read the entries and the comments, but I think somehow this blog is getting too vindictive. Not the blogger but the readers and those who comments. I even find myself itching to type comments sometimes :P especially there was this one particular commenter that really irk me. The way he write his comments – note the “s”. Oh, he was one of the subjects too and I think he deserved it. Because of his stupidity thinking that what a smart person he is. Ok this is the evil part of me talking here.

Apart from that, another blog which resembles the original blog derived. Now, this really ticked me off. Not because I had enough of people bashing – well maybe this too but because I can’t tolerate duplication of idea and copycat. If you want to be known, to receive credits and to feel good about anything, get your own idea!

Example, I hate it when I buy something not locally and did an extensive research on that product – I usually do this, spent days and weeks sometimes, only to find a friend of mine bought the exact thing after knowing where I bought my things from. Later mildly asked whether or not it’s okay for her to do it. Of course it is not fucking okay, but she bought it already didn’t she? Or something similar in patterns, let’s say. It is frustrating, I don’t know why I am like this but this is just me. And I hate it when people duplicate my ideas for some paperwork or presentation. How do I know it’s a duplication of my work? Well usually I show them mine as an e.x.a.m.p.l.e when they are stuck with theirs. But this fucktards just simply copy the whole idea. With a little alteration here and there but the big picture is still there.

I don’t know what do the others think about it but this is my piece of opinion.

Xiaxue on Obama

2008-11-17T13:46:00.002+08:00

One of my favourite blogger, Xiaxue got bashed because of her entry about Obama. Unlike the rest of the world she had a different opinion on Obama.

Well, truthfully I am pleased that Obama won because he might just be the right solution to the America economy crisis – that will be soon spread to Malaysia by March and April next year and he might just stop all the bombing to those poor vindicated citizen on Iraq. And all the wonderful things he wrote in his speech. A new breath of fresh air.

I always think Xiaxue’s writing is honest and blatant. Including the Obama entry although I might not agree with some of her points. The thing is, most of the readers who commented on that post expressed their angry as if Xiaxue had insulted their God! Come on, he is just a guy and it is tad early to guzzle all the words and letters in his speech. They might be virtuous but how veritable can they be? Only time will tell but we on the other side should not be too gullible. I am sure everybody who wants to run for President will have such awe aspiring speech. I am not saying that he’s mendacious or anything but the truth is yet to be proven, so do not hail him as if he is the God.

And it is her opinion anyway, although I must say she did it in an emotional and not so smart way. I always told myself and my colleagues; yes we can give comments, idea and differ to certain statement/facts but do it in an intelligent way. Do it when you can freeze your emotion. Because when you let your emotion blend with your, things will go nasty.

Still I think she deserves to have her own opinion.

"That" Blog

2008-11-14T12:29:00.002+08:00

Have you heard about the latest hottest blog on the block? This particular blog criticises other blogs and made fun of them.

Brilliant cum wicked.

Goody. I totally dig hot gossips like this and to tell you the truth I enjoy reading her writings. Some of them deserved to be criticise because they are lacking of ethics and self respects. Or plainly because they think too highly of themselves.

I agreed on some points but I would like to highlight some opinion here. Some of the comments given are too emotional. In my humble opinion, yes we can comment but no need to use ruthless word like babi, fuck you and such to these people because you are just commenting when the blogger who wrote the article did not even use these words.

Secondly, if you want to bang that certain blogger, just bang the blogger but leave the family, spouse or event their pets alone. It is the blogger who needed to be scrubbed not the people who live around them.

Thirdly, I can see lots of people are so into this blog because this blog exist only for a week or two but he hits are more than 2K now! My point, if everybody starts bashing on every single aspect, where is the beauty of blogging? The truth, I love to read crappy blogs – but yet to leave any comments. These blogs are my source of entertainment and it is an awe to see how people can push themselves either to lie, to fantasize or even to become narcissist in blogs.

Now I bet everybody would be more careful when they write hence killing the fun.

The Good Looking One

2008-11-12T14:49:00.000+08:00

Out of many, Mr. Tall was my favourite boyfriend. Reasons, he was the best looking, the fairest, the tallest and the most popular. Being with him really made me feel so worthy. The feeling is almost like walking in public wearing Blahnik with Marc Jacobs in my hand.

Every eyes will be on me and it felt good when people complimented “Oh My God, your boyfriend is so handsome!”. It did felt good, like I won some achievement award in the office and smile sheepishly as my boss present it to me.

I only felt that feeling once, because the rest that lies on the exes list were either short, stupid, loser or just average. Which was a good match for me, if we are looking on the surface. So that guy is something that I should never deserve at the first place, something that I will never have.

That relationship marked the happiest moment above all too. Since he was popular, our activities were always enjoyable, surrounded by cool people. I must have enjoyed the attention given to me back then. The only thing that I bothered me was, he asked for a blow job on our first day together. That is so typical and rubbish but I gave in somehow. Maybe because I wanted to please him. Let’s not go to the sex part. It made me wince when I think about it.

That is the thing; I really wanted to please him. Looking back, I had across the own border that I created to do nonsensical things for him. Example drove in the middle of the night, alone to see him when his house was like in some land I never went before. And I even agreed to go dutch rather than being treated like the royal highness.

If my mind were not so full of love shape, I would have seen that he was not a perfect guy for me. But the physical appearance was too blinding. Who does not want good looking partner on the first hand? I know I do.

The thing is with good looking people, they think their existence really matter. They expect people to follow their words and they can trash you whenever they want.

That what happened to me.

He did it without any falter, without any guilt, without any blink.

I am supposed to abhor him because I did not deserved getting dumped just like that but I guess I am a sucker for good looks, at the end I forgave him. Putting everything behind us.

But after this, no more good looking fella. Not that they will want to hook up with me anyway.

That one was just merely luck.

She Is Marrying Him

2008-11-09T19:37:00.000+08:00

I just found out that an old friend of mine is going to marry a celebrity, who I detest. The thing was, I used to bumped into him either holding a beer in his hand or holding some chicks in his embrace. But that was then, before they met I am sure. There is this vibes about him too that make him want to slap his face. And now, she is marrying him.

I found out by browsing through her facebook profile and I stumbled across some other pictures too. Of her and our friends going for holidays and fooling around. That circle used to includes me. But somehow, I decided to repel from the ring because some of them are obnoxious pompous pigs yet I missed the good old times.

Now my life is more control and tranquil but this is no charade, I get bored with it sometimes. There were times that I wished I could go back to my old life not knowing what to do tomorrow just savour the day as it is and party like tomorrow never comes. Oh not to mention to rub shoulders with the rich and famous. I missed that but that does not mean I love doing it. I think you should know by now, how tarty and arrogant the rich and famous are. At certain point, I thought I was jealous but tell me can you go worshipping and nod yes, yes you are so pretty and great to a person all the time? Not to mention to listen to their bragging story? I know I can’t.

I was born normal and most of circle of friends came from normal background mostly with middle economy class. We still had fun but this rich and famous, although the activity that we did together was groovy and I don’t have to spend a single cent, I feel like shit at the end. I know one thing for sure, I don’t belong with them. Even the fact, my family is not doing badly either at that moment but I understood the feeling of being mediocre and common once.

It feels like shit to brag about your new beemer or new mini when the truth is, they are just cars, not your pride not something that make you wiser. That time, as much as I enjoy the adrenalin rush, I just feel that I needed something meaningful. No scandals, no drama, no hatred, no backstabbing.

So here I am.

Happier. Yes, but sometimes lonely and in need of excitement.

When times like this come, I always tell myself, I need to be around my true friends. Not those who laughed with me and show their blank face when I am in trouble.

All that sweet words and I still wish I am still with them. Well sometimes.

Summit Open

2008-11-06T15:36:00.002+08:00

Obama won! This show that America does not discriminate within skin colours anymore - which could be a good start. In my humble opinion, we should do the same. Stop discriminating within races and religions.

This is an except of a news that I read yesterday

Vatican City (AHN) - A three-day historic Catholic-Muslim summit will open Tuesday in Vatican City. To attend the talks are 48 religious leaders and scholars from the two faiths or 24 representatives each.

Leading the Catholic side is Cardinal Jean-Louis Tauran, while the Muslims will be headed by Mustafa Ceric, the Grand Mufti of Bosnia.

For more news, click here

This is a very good news for me. Being a Muslim, I feel dejected seeing another Muslim mocked other people religion and claimed suicide bombing and terrorising publics are one way to attain peace.

To me, not a single religion in the world (leave alone cults) teaches its follower to become corrupted, just follow the basic guideline and we will achieve peace. And respect is very important, it is okay if you don’t believe on what other religions says but at least show some respects to them.

Ok shit. I have to go. Meeting in 5 minutes.

Esteem Issues

2008-11-04T12:10:00.000+08:00

Self esteem is one of my supreme issues although I am very good at camouflaging it. I don’t think no one can see through the stilettos and the shiny belt that I am having low self esteem.

Covering is good and it’s an essential especially when you have to face faces that would be more than happy to bring you down. Honestly I think everybody is dealing with the same problem, the differences lies on how you deal with it.

For me, I don’t have any defense mechanism. What I usually do when I feel insecure of lacking of self esteem is, I will run to the toilet. Either cry or smoke.

Now that you know, please don’t tell anyone that I bawled before meeting big shots for urgent meetings ok?

But what I don’t get is when some people overly use self defense mechanism. Let me give you an insight of what I am trying to say.

One of my colleagues can be categorized as a big size lady, not that we mind at all. We don’t and the truth is, it is not even a problem. But I guess, to her it is.

She started making uncomfortable remark about herself, saying things like despite her big size, she can really get any Caucasian any time or making statement like “ there’s no purpose of being skinny when you don’t know how to be good in bed”

What the mutherfucker statement is that?

I do know how she feels, I do know the feeling of not being attractive but being unattractive and trying too hard at the same is pathetic. Not to mention to be nasty like that.

Why can’t we just accept our flaws? Accept that we are not good enough and instead of denying, try to improve it.

One thing that I learn, it is painful to hear other people laugh at your flaws but it will be less painful if you join the laughter.

Stop and go

2008-11-03T13:36:00.000+08:00

I am splitting into 4 this very moment. Everyone is calling my name asking for this and that. We are launching a new product tomorrow.

Promise I will be back soon.

In the mean time, why don't you ponder about the freed of Razak Baginda and the Najib success in becoming the new UMNO President?

Despite my short moment, I smell disaster. Otak Belacan, can I move to Singapore with you?

Getting A Brain Damaged

2008-10-31T21:42:00.001+08:00

Today was kind of hectic but that would not stop me from jotting my thought that has been bothering me for quite sometimes actually.

I don’t understand how crappy blogs could develop so many readers. Crappy in this terms connotes they wrote shits in their blog, things that does not benefits anyone, not even themselves.

Let me enlighten you with few examples:

They keep updating every 1 fucking hour of their current state when there is nothing to say, really. Examples, they updates about their fetish of taking pictures of their feet and compared whose slippers is the best. Just that in one single entry or just to pretend sleep in front of their pc to show how “sluggish” they are at work when they were the one who took the picture.

Just post tonned of their own pictures on the entry, with an ending asking “Kiut tak aku hari ni?”

What the mutherfucker?

Simply copy paste articles on the internet without addressing what they are or engage it into an interesting discussing and worst, take credit for it.

Can I just say their entry are just rubbish?

I know blogging is about letting free of your personal insight but what I don’t get is that, why good blogs with intense discussion and well written are not given such appreciation. The people who commented are lesser compared to the trashy blog – hey, I am not talking about this blog; this blog is way below novice.

Are blog readers are not so capable in engaging themselves to think and give superior opinions? Or perhaps they feel it is safer to participate in trashy discussion by just saying comments like

“Yes, you memang hot”

Or

“I love your new handbag. It’s fab!”

And later receives tones of brownie points, or if they are really lucky, they will also given a chance to be pictured in those blogs. You know, bloggers and blog readers bonding.

Maybe they are not confident in expressing their though, to have to write something serious needs lots of sharp thinking and they will always another person with a sharper thinking going to refute your opinion. Yes, maybe they are scared of that.

A friend of mine happened to meet up with a very famous blogger who is residing in West Malaysia. She had high expectation before meeting him because in her aopinion, his blog is a bomb! But you know what, boy..she was so frustrated only to find out the blogger is nothing like his blog. Far from witty, far from entertaining, simply boring. Till the extent she thought he must had hired someone else to write the blog for him but I told her, maybe it was just because the blogger just faking it. I read his blog too but his writing does not seem too appealing to me. I could track few fake and hypocrisy here and there. I prefer to read carefree writing and honest wittiness apart from blogs that really make differences to this world.

Bu that’s another story.

My point is how come people just love to read pieces of trash and let their mind be ruined by it?

Be Something Different!

2008-10-30T10:04:00.000+08:00

Two of my exes claimed that they ex girlfriend were doctors and I could see how pompous they are when they talked about those girls. I did not abhor the exes but I detest men who jumped into a new relationship without letting go of their past. But as much as I hate that, I hate the community stigma that saying jobs like doctors, lawyers and engineers are the only one that matters even more.

What about jobs like garbage collecting, postman, meter readers? Aren’t these people important too? Can you survive without them or can you even manage to do their job? I was so shocked to learn that an acquaintance of mine, a senior reporter who had worked for almost 15 years in a well-known newspaper agency is only earning RM2, 500 per month. That amount for 15 years of working! And mind you her English was top notch. Are we saying that reporters jobs are not challenging enough? That proper grammar an immaculate vocabulary is something not important? Do they know that in order to be a doctor, all you have to do is memorise?

When I was in school, I wanted to take art stream because I knew my soul does not fit with science stream but the community stigma stopped me. I still can remember my mum saying what a waste for someone like me to take up art stream when I can shine in science stream. I know she is my mum but what kind of crap is that? Since when art stream become the second class citizen?

Like I told you in the earlier post, I use to date someone in the medical field. He was intelligent yes but when it comes to handling matters that are not stated in the book, he lost his way. You can talk to him about diseases, about politics but when real tragedy stroke he didn’t know what to do. I was the one who had to get on my feet.

Besides him, I went out with other guys with their name writing in magazines and journals. Sad to say, most of them are far from interesting and worst, they are really into themselves as if the others were less important. One of them used to tell me this, when he failed to make me go out with him

“Look at the old archives of Bloomberg, you will see my name there, in case you are in need of security”

I don’t need a security, I need someone interesting and humble to date. You are right, I did tell him that and he promise to be one. He tried but still missing the humble part.

My point is, I am tired of people saying “Look at her, she’s a doctor, he’s a lawyer, you should be like them when you grow up”

What’s wrong with wanting to be a band singer, a performer, a dancer, a freelance writer or even bellboy when you know deep down inside you are happy.

Education is important yes but what is the point getting a high education, when you have no life, no respect for the others and you are not happy?

Maybe I sounded as if I am encouraging people to be dropped out, no. It is good to have a good education but then that does not means your choices of jobs should be restricted to certain areas.

What I really want to say is,

Come one, get out from the norm. Be something different!

2008-10-29T10:57:00.002+08:00

Tagged by otakbelacan :)

What were you doing 5 years ago?
2003 was all about partying. Went to every trance party available and popped as much as I could. There was this event in Genting when I saw a girl was all stiff lying on the ground because she overdosed. But nobody cared; everybody was busy poking the stars until finally an ambulance came. I don’t know what happened to the girl but I hope she didn’t die.

What were the 5 things on your to do list today?
Work, lunch, work, bloghopping, curse, facebooking and more work. That’s 7 but I am feeling a lil’ bit industrious today.

What are 5 snacks that you enjoy?
Kinder Bueno, kerepek keladi – the purple kerepek, damn tasty! Cigarette-could be consider as snack also isn’t it? TGIF potato skin snack and I like otak belacan, I heart choki-choki too.

What are 5 jobs you've had?
In random order.

Copywriter – Love and hate relationship. I love generating new ideas but I hate some of my clients. Bitches!

Communication Manager – Love all the events and freebies!

Sales girl at some local supermarket – Bloody tiring. Had to stand all day long at the baby department and had to fold all those damn baby clothing. I quitted only after 3 days working.

Sales assistant at bazaar ramadhan – Again, selling clothes. Baju kurung and kebaya to be précised. Was wooed by some mat rempit which I hate. I didn’t mind the job but the owner did not give me any leaves at all.

Part time lover – When he doesn’t need me he wouldn’t call but when he needs some servicing and blow job, then his name would appear on my phone. I pledge to quit this job forever.

5 people I want to Tag??
Those who happens to read this. Obviously I had no other friends

The Blowjob

2008-10-28T02:26:00.000+08:00

I have a secret to tell you. I have been dying to tell a soul about this secret and tonight I will.

Two years ago I dated a guy I met on the Internet, a quite distinctive blogger. Please don’t guess who but I can give you a hint, he doesn’t blog too often nowadays :P . Anyway, we met by accident because I needed some medical counsel and he happened to work in medical line.

Judging from his blog, I can tell that he is an intellectual guy with a broad perspective. From his photos he looked mannish and masculine. After few session or emails followed by series of phone calls, we decided to meet. He drove all the way from the north to meet me. They always said, what you cannot see always deceived you and I totally concur. He was intellect all right but I found him rather..a bit at the soft side. Still, we went out and had fun.

Until it come to the S part. Yes, you guess it right, sex.

He told me he is a virgin and that’s fine by me. I did not want to pop his cherry or anything and never had such thinking in my mind. For the record, we did talk about sex couple of times on the phone but that just it.

And then he told me, he wanted to do it. I was like, no. That would not be right. You can’t just do it like that but he said he had enough of waiting and it’s about time.

In case you are anticipating for some steamy elements, you might be thwarted. I am just going to slash it short and leave the steamy part behind. All I can say was, the size of his dick really shocked me. It looked nothing less like a pencil and I am not bullshitting! It‘s ok actually and I don’t like to go mocking people’s private part just that don’t go telling how long your dick is with some heroic elements added when you know the truth.

That was not the worst part.

He asked for a blowjob. So I gave it to him. But in the middle of the BJ, I felt something warm gushing into my mouth, no it was not his cum. It was his….his.. URINE!

That too was not the worst part.

The worst part was..

I SWALLOWED IT.

The Best Moment

2008-10-24T19:33:00.000+08:00

When I started my years in secondary, my achievement started to plunge gradually. I was no longer one of the smartest girls in school. And that, worries my mum because she always told me, education is very important furthermore that might be the only thing that I could be proud of since we were not born with silver spoon in our mouth.

It was PMR that year, and my trial result was quite bad, I only managed to secure 2A’s the rest were B’s and I even got a D. My parent’s expectation was quite high because in their mind, I am still the old girl I used to be, nerdy, industrious and smart.

On the day when the result was announced, I decided not to go to the school to get the result; I was too nervous so I decided to give them a call instead. The suspense of hearing the result being poured word by word almost killed me. But in the end, I was overjoyed because I managed to bag straight A’s, 8 A’s all together.

I rushed to my mom’s office, my mom was a clerk that time and as soon as she saw me I could see anxiety on her face. When I told her I got straight A’s she hugged me with tears in her eyes. That moment I felt awkward, I was thinking, there’s no need to cry. Let’s rejoice, celebrate instead! My mum was so happy that she gave me RM500 to spend, that was the first time I ever hold that much money.

There is no need to tell what I bought with that money but I will tell you another story that will make this entry matches the title. That time, my father was working in Sarawak and I had not seen him for months. He was always busy and still busy till this very moment but I understood, if it was not because of him, we would not be enjoying life as much as we do now.

It must be my mum who told him the news, the next morning I found him in front of the door and he went hugging me straight away. Later I heard, he was fired because he was not supposed to take any leaves since they were in a crucial time, that time. But he still booked that flight and took off just for me. But not too worry, he was offered another contract after that.

The reason why I wrote this is not to gloat. No. I don’t believe in gloating over petty things like this. All I am saying is, that time, I can’t seem to understand why did my mum had to cry and why did my dad had to leave his job just because I got my result.

But now I realised, that is what family do. We feel happy when our love ones managed to achieve something in their life, we feel happy because we know, we did the right thing and they did the right thing.

We feel happy because as a family, we love and cherish each other.

Just Because I Am Not Old Enough

2008-10-23T21:09:00.003+08:00

My parents never educate me to be disrespectful especially to the elderly but at times I can’t help being boorish to them. If I could, I would really want to give them a piece of my mind followed by series of backhands. Not because it’s in my genetics to beat old people but because some elderly people seems to think that they are always right. All the time and you, younger people, know nothing therefore you have to kiss my ass . I personally think everybody should be treated evenly and everybody should be given and earn respect equally despite age or gender.

The story that I am about to tell you will comprise my best friend, Ah Kong and his daddy. Ah Kong family is staying outside KL but they always come to KL to visit. Every time when they touch down, Ah Kong will always asks me to accompany him although he knows his sister who is also working here can drive his parents around. Despite being a guy, Ah Kong is a moron when it comes to finding routes in KL, thus I became his walking GPS or should I say talking map. Occasionally Ah Kong ticks me off, I lost track of how many times I taught him the routes in KL but my attempt always meet failure.

Last month, Ah Kong parents came down again and they checked in at the Le Meridian. It was Friday and we were at Jalan Ampang, settling some stuff when Ah Kong father called saying he wanted to meet him at KLCC although the initial plan was to let Ah Kong meet them at the hotel. That was Ah Kong idea since he didn’t want to drive and we didn’t drive to Jalan Ampang, we took the public transport even the fact that their service sucks. On Friday, the jam in KL is atrocious, that’s why.

Ah Kong tried to forbid his father from driving (the father was using the sister’s car) to KLCC but being a stubborn old man, he insisted saying, he needed to eat at Little Penang, which according to my opinion, didn’t make sense at all since Little Penang is also located at Midvalley, about 10 minutes from Meridian or one stop away from the commuter. Even then, the father can always take LRT but no, he wanted to drive.

To make things worst, it was raining when we met them at KLCC ( I had to tag along because Ah Kong is a moron on the road remember?). The thing is, the father wanted to be the navigator while Ah Kong drove and totally shun me as if I am from New Zealand who doesn’t know anything about KL routes. I didn’t initially mind it at all, just that he didn’t bloody know the mutherfucking way and I do. Okay, he used to study in Universiti Malaya therefore he claimed that he know all the road in KL but hello uncle, that was like fucking 30 years ago and if case you didn’t notice, there are loads of skyscraping building in KL now that not only make an outsider like you get puzzled but also blinding a cosmopolitanites like me.

He keep changing his mind by saying “left,, no no.go right..no noo take the other way” and he forced his poor son to speed up, worst, the thing that I hated the most, instructed the son not to give ways to toher drivers by saying “This is KL, you cannot be so nice and slow!”

No wonder lots of people are behaving like monkey on the road!

Oh yes, we got lost, got stuck in the horrendous Friday traffic and not to mention the heavy rain. And he kept saying

“I didn’t know that the jam is going to be this bad”

Can I stick the gear into your ass uncle? Did your son not told you not to drive here in KL when it goddammit Friday?

Why was I mad you asked? Because I had some other things to settle and I really wanted to pee, so bad. In case you are wondering I did not say anything at all. So did his mother who sat next to me.

Alas, we reached Meridian after few hours stuck in the jam and by that time, the uncle turn around to look at me and ask” Did we get lost? No right?” with a smug in his face.

Oh. My. Goat.

Can you guess my feeling at that moment? I bet you can.

I really, really wanted to say “Hell yeah, almost” but instead I said no, just for Ah Kong sake. After all, he’s my best friend and I will have to respect his daddy for that matter.

That is just another story that I have from many. The thing is, why..why can’t we get respect that we deserve just because we are not old enough?

Umbrage

2008-10-22T20:09:00.005+08:00

I have this friend that I always envy. Her mix parental made her looks outstanding and even teachers paid extra attention to her, which to me was not fair at all. Teachers should not be biased to the students.

I was there with everyone else and I was as bright as her, if she hogs the first place I would hog the second and if I won the first place, she would get to be the second best. Yet, she will always be the apple of the eye. Of course you get the brownie point, I am covetous. In my opinion, I deserve the same treatment and attention that she got because I worked as hard as she did and I escalated as far as she did. The only two things that I didn’t have were I was not pretty and my parents were not rich people.

Lots of people say that well-off people are rarely congenial and I beg to differ. Her father is pleasant and it is he father who brought wealth in the family but not her mother. Her mother hated my guts, she even wanted to slap me wants because I told my friends I didn’t like her. Okay, I don’t exactly remember what I said but it was something about her being a snob. Which is true. She was!

She told people I shopped at some stupid next door shop and she mocked my enthusiasm for doing so. My parents were not rich back then; of course a shopping trip once in a while would excite me even it was only at some local hypermarket. And there was this particular chapter that still glued in my mind. Oh yes, I remember it vividly. She was away for the whole one month because her whole family went skiing in Switzerland or somewhere (can’t remember exactly where) and when the time she got back, we had to sit for our final. She persuaded me that I should let her copy my answer because it was not her fault that she had to go for the mutherfucking skiing vacation. She made me feel so culpable for being a bad friend that I finally gave in. I aced the test so did she but she came second but when I was sick with chicken pox, she would not return my favour and worst, I found my best friend not talking to me after that.

What the mutherfucker?

Did she not deserve the snob title? Oh, you tell me!

Hmmm. I should just bury the hatchet but how could I when again she made me feel so isolated for not inviting me to her wedding when everybody was invited. I feel like I have rotten pussy that was filled with puss at that moment.

There is no use holding grudges, I know. But I will make sure this will not happen again, not to me or to my descendants. Things are getting better on my side, we were no longer seen as poor but that does not mean that we should forget where we came from. I will never ever give any special treatment to my future kids and not even a single minute make them feel that they are more special and superior than others. I will not let them treat the others like I have been treated.

Everybody should be treated the same, regardless who you are. Everybody deserves every single piece of cake.

Am I still mad at her? To be honest, a little bit but not as much as before. You want to know why?

Because, the formerly brainy, beauty queen is now fat.

Forgive me God, but please let me feel good about myself for few moments.

4 reasons why I read blogs

2008-10-22T15:50:00.004+08:00

So why do I read blogs?

You might be flabbergasted but some of you might be nodding while going through the answers.

The blogs are laughing stock

People thought everyone could blog. They carve crap and shits stuff happening in their life and some are even nonsensical. Who wants to know if you cousin’s underwear is missing or what not. Saddest point? They thought they are close to Shakespeare.

Nauseating entries yet I came back for more!

Examples:
- My hubby loves me, we are the best couple in the world, but sometimes when I am up in arms I am allowed to spit on his face. I like to mope and make everybody feels sorry for me because I am a hottie after all. Other than that, oui! We are the sweetest couple. Am I not the luckiest girl in the world?
- I swear over Prada, Gucci and Hermes. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I disregard those who wear FOS stuff just that if you own few pairs of Bally’s and Blahnik’s, we could be BFF. I mean we fashionista should stick together right?
- Look at me, I am PRETTY, no matter what you said, I am PRETTY. You anonymous people are just jealous because I am PRETTY.
Till at this point, I still could not figure out why do I still read these blogs. Mystery.
The blogger always make my day

I am not only about hatred and anger, I do savour few good bloggers and I do not mean celebrities who thought they can blog. This is ordinary people I am talking about, ordinary but appear extraordinary to me, when they hit the keypads.

They make my day. More than always.

Entertainment!

Ever heard of the feud between Xia Xue and Dawn Yang? Enough said eh.

I have more but my mind is numb. Maybe later.

Initial Point

2008-10-22T15:24:00.000+08:00

First post. First impression.

I just want to be heard, to seek solace.

Will I find it here?